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Breast Wishes

Genre Comedy/Satire; Fringe; Romance
Collection Australasian
Composer Bruce Brown
Lyricist Bruce Brown
Book By Merridy Eastman; Jonathan Gavin; Richard Glover; Wendy Harmer; Sheridan Jobbins; James Millar; Debra Oswald
Other Credits Concept by Anne Looby
Format Book Musical
Type One Act
Status Available (?This work is currently available for application in Australia and New Zealand subject to our standard Terms of Use.)

Short Synopsis

BREAST WISHES takes place in various locales and time periods. It follows the journey of a family and the events that have shaped their breasts. Lyn is a warm, open, earth-mother with voluptuous breasts and is married to breast-loving everyman David. Her sister Carol is flat-chested and highly strung in the midst of a mid life crisis. Their cousin Sal is young, sexy and self absorbed. Their mother Helen has embraced all things new-age. Irene – the quintessential bra-fitter is our wise overseer.

Rehearsal Materials

Rehearsal Materials on Hire




Casting Information

Dance Requirement: Minimal/None

Character Breakdown






Detailed Synopsis

Meet the four women as they introduce us to the body part we are about to explore (LET’S NOT TALK…).

Our journey begins with the handing out of breasts at Breast Bingo, ‘It’s a genetic lottery – the size of your breasts’. We meet Lyn and Carol, who although sisters, have one glaring genetic difference – their cup size. Carol regales us with the adolescent woes of being young and breastless. We see in flashback– the excruciating embarrassment of being mammary-challenged in the face of teen romance. We meet the young and gorgeous cousin Sal and get some insight into the humiliation of that first bra fitting, where we meet the loveable and verbose Irene – a professional bra fitter… ‘and were we thinking underwire or elasticised, full-cup or three-quarter, front clasp or back, two hooks or one, padded or non padded, cotton, nylon, lace, plain or print, with or without a bow?’ Carol embraces her flat chest by counselling her younger cousin to accept what she hasn’t got with the feisty and defiant (AINT GOT NOTHIN).

Back to the present and Lyn is having a bra-fitting with Irene… ‘Did you know that during exercise, breasts can bounce by up to sixteen and a half centimetres? With the wrong bra, a well endowed lass like you jogging all over the place could end up with squashed lymph nodes, unsightly shoulder grooves and a sluggish immune system’. With shades of Piaf, Irene sings the praises of her idol Madame Herminie Cadolle – the inventor of the bra (ODE TO HERMINIE CADOLLE).

Lyn offers an insight into her experience as a large breasted woman…‘Yes, yes, yes - breasts are brilliant. Everyone adores them. Whatever! They're just breasts! They don't mean anything. They don't say anything about me. Or do they? I am frequently surprised to discover my bosoms having conversations without me…’ and expresses her frustration at being mistakenly perceived as promiscuous because of her ample bosom… ‘However, I’ve learned to live with them. And they’re my friends – my puppies’.

The family laugh with Lyn about their nicknames for their own and each other’s breasts (BOOBIES IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER). Lyn, Carol, Helen and Sal are sitting together watching a documentary, although Sal is mostly engrossed in her book. On television, a medical specialist is praising the anatomy of the breast… ‘a wondrous recipe of nature and science…’ The women recognise certain characteristics in each other’s breasts. As the specialist explains the role breasts play in sexual arousal, Sal begins to daydream (MILLS AND BOON AND ME).

Lyn’s husband David, like most men, is a breast enthusiast. In (IT’S ALL ABOUT THEM) David unashamedly offers the male perspective on breasts… ‘They are all beautiful. In all their glorious shapes and sizes…’ and shares his unique technique of stealing a look. Lyn interrupts him to show the results of her pregnancy test.

As Carol delights in her newly burgeoning bust, we realise that both she and Lyn are expecting. They share with Sal the pleasures of pregnancy, then the joys of motherhood (IT’S ALL ABOUT THEM REPRISE). Carol, Lyn and Sal impart their thoughts and experiences of breastfeeding. For Lyn, ‘feeding’s as easy as breathing’, for Carol, having to resort to, ‘The bottle of shame. The formula of failure…’, for Sal, the very notion she could consider putting her ‘best feature’ through that, although… ‘I guess I could try it and see if I’m one of the people who has a mini orgasm’. By the end we are joined by experienced mother, Helen, who serenades us with the joy of having our breasts back post lactation (WE’RE FREE). Carol is left to ponder the curse of the middle-aged woman, why ‘gravity sucks!’ As Carol unfurls in the midst of a mid life crisis… ‘There’s not a woman I know who hasn’t thought of getting a boob job’… she conjures up a fantasy - the plastic surgeon come to save her sagging breasts (THE BREAST THAT MONEY CAN BUY).

At this point, the new-age crystal loving Helen muses on plastic surgery herself… ‘At what point did a scalpel replace pride in the natural shape of things?’. We hear the jingle (GET CHECKED) and Lyn recounts for us her visit to the mammogram bus. Lyn, Carol, and Sal sing the title song (BREAST WISHES) a lyrical, gentle musing on body image… ‘Fuck! Dread! The most unbelievable terror… High grade aggressive invasive ductal carcinoma…’. Lyn faces the horror of breast cancer. We gain an insight into the familial experience, from the guilt and anguish of the loved ones to the turmoil and grief of the victim and the impact on the children. A funny and complex scene between Lyn, Carol and their mother Helen is interrupted by a call from the somewhat insensitive Sal – who manages to say the most inappropriate things at the most inappropriate times. Lyn faces the inevitable loss of a part of her she has taken for granted for so long and contemplates an even greater fear (DEAR PUPPIES).

Although united in battle, Lyn and her husband David find themselves fighting each other at a time when they need each other the most… ‘Men can't stand sickness and need. It's the worst turn-off in the world, isn't it? A woman who's helpless and unfeminine and - god forbid - not beautiful. Well I'm going to be all the things a woman's never supposed to be’. Back in the fitting rooms, Irene waits as Sal tries on the balconette bra (HERMINIE CADOLLE REPRISE). Sal confesses to Irene that because of her cousin’s experience she requires something a little “special” so she can celebrate “them” with her husband. Irene chats to us about mastectomies… ‘Sometimes I swear we’re in the midst of an epidemic…’. Lyn & Carol now in post-op reveal Lyn’s newly reconstructed breasts for the first time… “Living tissue....reconstructed in to a living breast...into two living breasts”. As Lyn stares at her new breasts in the mirror, she and the family sing of their collective experience (THERE’S A MOMENT YOU KNOW).

Closing up at the end of another busy day, the final word on breasts belongs to Irene. As the wise voice of experience, she advises us to… ‘Be nice to your breasts, ladies. Be nice to them now. Whatever size, shape, or colour they are, whatever traumas they’ve survived, and whatever challenges may lie ahead, for goodness’ sake, invest in some good underwear and experience true happiness. And keep getting them checked. Don’t be scared to find something. It’s missing something that you’ve got to worry about’ (LET’S NOT TALK…REPRISE).

Rates and Fees

Education and Community Theatre Rates.

Rehearsal Materials

Rehearsal Material on Hire
Minimum Hire fee: A$403.00 – 3 month(s) prior to final performance
Additional Hire fee: A$101.00 – per month

Royalty Fees

14% of your ticket sales
Minimum: A$225.00 per performance

Other Fees

Booking and Handling Fee: A$69.00
Materials Security Deposit: from A$200.00 - A$500.00

Billing and Advertising Requirements

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